Transcript - Oct. 1, 2006
TRANSCRIPT (Oct. 1, 2006): ROY WILLIAMS RADIO SHOW
WOODY: Welcome once again, everybody, to another season of the Roy Williams Basketball Show, here on the Tar Heel Sports Network. I'm Woody Durham, your host, and I am joined today by the Head Coach of the North Carolina Basketball Tar Heels, Roy Williams.
ROY: Nice to be here with you again, Woody.
WOODY: Coach, this year marks my 34th season doing this show, and I must say it never gets old.
ROY: No it doesn't ...
WOODY: We are looking forward ...
ROY: ... mark your 34th season.
WOODY: What?
ROY: This isn't your 34th season.
WOODY: Yes it is. I started in 1969.
ROY: You started doing a show in 1969, but not the Roy Williams Basketball Show. Those shows with Coaches, Smith, Guthridge and Doherty were not the Roy Williams Basketball Show.
WOODY: Well, technically, I guess you're right.
ROY: Darn tootin' I am.
WOODY: But I've been doing the Coach's radio show for 34 years.
ROY: That you have. And you've been doing a great job.
WOODY: And we are sponsored once again by the good folks at Beefmaster, our sponsors for the last 11 years ...
ROY: Not technically ...
WOODY: ... Beefmaster, master your beef.
ROY: ... but they know what you mean.
WOODY: Coach, you are a stickler for accuracy. I suppose that's one of the qualities that makes you a great leader.
ROY: I'm a coach, not a leader. I don't know if I'm a stickler, Woody. But I have been known to stickle.
WOODY: Huh? Stickle?
ROY: That's a word, isn't it?
WOODY: Not technically.
Silence.
ROY: Touche.
WOODY: Coach, how was your offseason?
ROY: Busy, Woody. Busy, but nice. We have been out on the recruiting trail lately. Before that, Wanda and I spent some time at the beach, where I learned to parasail. And of course, I've been out on the golf course.
WOODY: Yes, I can see that. Your skin is the color of a glazed ham.
ROY: Thank you.
WOODY: Parasailing? That sounds dangerous.
ROY: It's a rush, as the kids say. They strap you into that harness and you're up there 100 feet above the ground ... nothing but the sea, and the Carolina blue sky. I tell you, it's better than ... it's darn good. But be sure to put that harness on correctly. And I'd suggest that all you male listeners out there wear a cup.
WOODY: I hear that. What happened here? For those of you at home, Coach Williams is sporting a bit of a shiner. A black eye.
ROY: That was a golfing mishap, Woody. I was up at the "Celebrities For The Kids" charity golf tournament, hosted by the comedian, Carrot Top.
WOODY: He frightens me.
ROY: Oh, he's a very funny guy. Besides Gallagher, nobody is funnier. And full of energy. He's always "on," as they say. Anywho ...
WOODY: His hair is a very unnatural color. And if I'm not mistaken, he wears eyeliner.
ROY: Well, he is in show business. It's part of his shtick, as the kids say.
WOODY: The kids don't say that. I've been hanging with the players all summer, and none of them ever said "shtick."
ROY: Well, regardless, Carrot Top was in my foursome. And he's a very competitive guy. Quite the athlete actually. He does a lot of weightlifting. He's a serious, dedicated body builder. Lots of muscle mass. But he's also a volatile guy, as show people sometimes are. He kept insisting that all the kids call him "Mr. Top." I was told he suffers from what they call "road rage."
WOODY: You mean "roid rage."
ROY: No, I think it was "road rage."
WOODY: Bodybuilders who use steroids get "roid rage."
ROY: This is my story, Woody.
WOODY: Sorry. Continue.
ROY: So Carrot Top has a little one foot putt on the 16th hole for par. We all conceded the putt. I said, "That's a gimme; no way you miss that," and we all headed for the carts and the next tee. But he wanted to putt it, apparently. Next thing I know his putter hits me in the eye. He got upset and threw it. But he seemed very sorry about it, and treated Wanda and me to tickets to his show in Raleigh at the Ritz.
WOODY: Ouch. So you are paying twice for his mistake. That's quite a story. I would have thought that would make the papers. "Violent Orange Clown Bludgeons Coach," or something like that.
ROY: We all decided to keep it on the QT.
WOODY: The Quentin Thomas?
ROY: No, the QT. You know, keep it quiet, so as not to hurt Carrot Top's career.
WOODY: How could you do that? Never mind, don't answer. Let's get down to business. Coach, there is a great deal of excitement and anticipation in the Carolina Nation this year. Midnight Madness is right around the corner. The Tar Heels are loaded with highly-ranked prospects, and the team is ranked in the top 5 of many preseason polls. Expectations are sky-high.
ROY: As you know Woody, polls don't mean diddlysquat to me. With Old Roy, what you see is what you get, and Old Roy Ain't That Good. Dadgummit, it may sound corny, but the only poll I care about is the last one.
WOODY: That is some great shtick, coach.
ROY: Thanks.
WOODY: When you say "the last poll," do you mean the one that comes out after the NCAA Tournament?
ROY: Well, actually, I meant the NCAA Tournament itself.
WOODY: But that's not a poll.
ROY: Not technically, no. But you know what I meant.
WOODY: Coach, let's go to the phones. The fans really want to find out how the players are doing, your thoughts about the team, etc. Let's talk some basketball! Caller, you're on the air.
CALLER: Yeah, hi. This is Bruce from Chapel Hill. I just wanted to say that "stickle" is a word.
ROY: Ha!
WOODY: No!
CALLER: It's in the Oxford Unabridged Dictionary of the English Language. It means "One who stickles."
WOODY: Well tie me up and call me stupid. I did not know that. That is jankity..
ROY: What?
WOODY: Hanging with the players this summer, we've been working on my vocabulary. I'm learning the street slang. The slizzange, if you will.
ROY: I see.
WOODY: Next caller.
CALLER: Hi, this is Jim-Ed from Fuquay-Varina. I was wondering, Coach, how you are going to find enough playing time for all these talented players? How are you gonna keep them all happy, team chemistry wise speaking?
ROY: Dadgummit Ed-Jim, it's not up to me to keep them happy. It's up to them to keep me happy.
WOODY: You heard him, Jim-Earl. Next caller.
CALLER: Hello?
ROY: Hello.
CALLER: Am I on the air?
WOODY: You are.
CALLER: Yes, this is Carolyn, from Wake Forest, and I just want to say that Bobby Frasor is totally hot.
CLICK.
WOODY: Sorry about that. Our call screeners are a bit rusty.
ROY: No, no problem Woody. Bobby Frasor is a fine looking young man. I'm secure enough in my masculinity to say that. He is a gritty, gutty, heady, gym rat. And a good-looking one, to boot.
WOODY: On Inside Carolina, they described him as "floor-burny." That's a good word, don't you think?
ROY: Normally I would say yes, but since it came from the Crapnet, I'll say no.
WOODY: Next caller, you're on the air with Roy Williams.
CALLER: This is Susie Frecklepure, from Heartland, KS.
WOODY: Oh no ...
CALLER: And I just want to say, Coach Williams, that even though my dad and my boyfriend and all my friends and my teacher and my principal and my dog all hate your guts, I still support you and miss you. My heart is torn, between you and KU. My brother says that he hopes you develop a case of the shingles and the runs, but that's just his broken heart talking. I just wanted to let you know that you have at least one fan in Kansas.
ROY: Well, thanks very much Susie. Leave your address with the operator, and we'll send you tickets to the Carolina game of your choice.
CALLER: Why would I want that?
WOODY: This seems like a good time to let the folks know about an exciting new idea from Beefmaster: the Beefmaster "Sausage of the Month Club." Enroll someone you love in the Sausage of the Month Club, and let them enjoy a different Beefmaster pure beef or pure pork sausage product every month. Makes a great holiday gift. Nothing says "I love you" like a sausage. Beefmaster, master your beef.
ROY: Wanda and I are in the Sausage of the Month Club. We love it.
WOODY: As do I. Back to the phones, Coach.
CALLER: Hello. I just want to say how great it is to have Coach Williams as our coach. We saw him at the opening of the Harris Teeter over on Route 54, and he was just as nice as could be. And you're right! He does have a glazed ham tan!
ROY: Thanks caller.
WOODY: Roy Williams, that's my dog!
ROY: I'm your dog?
WOODY: W-W-W. W-W-W. Word.
ROY: See, now that sounds like an insult. Me being your dog.
WOODY: No, it's actually a good thing. It means you're my good friend.
ROY: Oh, I see. Sort of like when Michael Jackson said he was bad, he meant good.
WOODY: You got it, dog.
ROY: OK. Well ... then ... I suppose you are my dog too.
WOODY: Oh ... (choking back tears) ... Coach ... that is the nicest ... that is ...
ROY: da bomb?
WOODY (sobbing): Yes. Very much so. Very much da bomb.
ROY: Let's move on before I start crying.
WOODY: Hey yeah, what gives? You usually cry at the drop of a hat.
ROY: I don't know. I'm too confused to cry.
WOODY: OK. Next caller? Iz you in your crib?
CALLER: What?
WOODY: Caller, are you there?
CALLER: Yes, um ... this is Chris from Durham. Coach, what sets do you think will work best for you against Dook this year?
ROY: Chris, we have caller ID. I'm not going to answer that question.
CALLER: This is not Chris Collins. This is just a Carolina fan who is also named Chris who is visiting Chris. Collins. Who is not me.
ROY: OK, I'll answer your question if you say one thing for me. Say "Pete Gaudet was a good and loyal member of the Dook Basketball family. We miss him."
CLICK.
WOODY: Next caller, what's your question for Roy Williams?
CALLER: Yes, this is Buck from Cary.
ROY: Hi Buck.
CALLER: Coach, my kids and I are big fans of you and the Heels. But when I take the kids to the Smith Center, the kids will sometimes get impatient watching the game. I let them stand up and walk up and down the aisles. But there's this one usher there. He 's a young guy for an usher, about 40 years old, and he struts around like he owns the place. And he's always hassling my kids for being in the aisles. They don't bother anyone and their too short to obstruct anyone's view.
WOODY: So what's your question?
CALLER: Can you get that guy fired?
ROY: Well Buck, I don't think that that's really within our ...
CALLER: He looks just like Billy Donovan.
ROY: Consider it done.
WOODY: Caller, you're on the air with Coach Roy Williams.
CALLER: Coach, will you favor us with a Jewel poem?
ROY: Actually, this week I did not bring along any of the lovely Jewel's poetry ...
WOODY: No problem coach. I keep a copy of her collected works here in my breast pocket, next to my heart.
ROY: Oh, OK. Let's see ... well ... I've always been partial to her poems about her beautiful home state of Alaska. Why don't we go with one of those? ... OK ... here's one. It's called "Mister Caribou".
Mister Caribou
Migrating over the thawing tundra
Majestic antlers, molting winter coat
Your journey is long, your obstacles great
Yet you persevere
Mister Caribou
Tall and brave
I wish you were human
I wish you were my man
I can almost feel the touch of your hoof
See your flaring nostrils
Your sensitive eyes
Mister Caribou
Mister Wolf
Mister Polar bear
We are not so different, you and I
We four are like two peas in a pod
Let's get it on
WOODY: Hmmm. Food for thought.
ROY: I hope that one is OK for radio. It combines a certain cross-species eroticism that might not go down well with all audiences.
CALLER: You said "go down."
ROY: What?
WOODY: Is there no end to the artistic greatness of this lovely and humble songstress?
ROY: If there is, we haven't seen it yet.
CALLER: Did you guys hear? She's going to host Nashville Star this year.
ROY: What happened to Wynona? Arrested again?
WOODY: Apparently.
ROY: Well, looks like I'm going to be firing up the old Tivo this fall.
WOODY: The what?
ROY: The Tivo. You know, the DVR.
WOODY: Oh, right. Handy things, those DVRs.
ROY: Yes they are. The Tivo is my dog.
WOODY: W-W-W-Word. From our sponsor. The good people at Beefmaster Franks would like you to remember to enjoy Beefmaster franks in moderation. The FDA has asked us to tell you that consumption of more than 25 pounds per week of beef frankfurters can cause blindness in certain vulnerable populations. Over-consumption of anything can be bad for you, including beefmaster franks. Don't master your beef too often: you could go blind. Enjoy beefmaster franks responsibly.
Coach, that's all the time we have today. Do you have a final word for all the fans out there?
ROY: Yes, I do Woody. Come early, stay late, be loud. And if you don't, you can expect a tongue lashing from me at the next press conference.
WOODY: You heard it, folks. Come on out and enjoy another great season of Tar Heel Basketball. This is Woody Durham, saying Peace Out.
WOODY: Welcome once again, everybody, to another season of the Roy Williams Basketball Show, here on the Tar Heel Sports Network. I'm Woody Durham, your host, and I am joined today by the Head Coach of the North Carolina Basketball Tar Heels, Roy Williams.
ROY: Nice to be here with you again, Woody.
WOODY: Coach, this year marks my 34th season doing this show, and I must say it never gets old.
ROY: No it doesn't ...
WOODY: We are looking forward ...
ROY: ... mark your 34th season.
WOODY: What?
ROY: This isn't your 34th season.
WOODY: Yes it is. I started in 1969.
ROY: You started doing a show in 1969, but not the Roy Williams Basketball Show. Those shows with Coaches, Smith, Guthridge and Doherty were not the Roy Williams Basketball Show.
WOODY: Well, technically, I guess you're right.
ROY: Darn tootin' I am.
WOODY: But I've been doing the Coach's radio show for 34 years.
ROY: That you have. And you've been doing a great job.
WOODY: And we are sponsored once again by the good folks at Beefmaster, our sponsors for the last 11 years ...
ROY: Not technically ...
WOODY: ... Beefmaster, master your beef.
ROY: ... but they know what you mean.
WOODY: Coach, you are a stickler for accuracy. I suppose that's one of the qualities that makes you a great leader.
ROY: I'm a coach, not a leader. I don't know if I'm a stickler, Woody. But I have been known to stickle.
WOODY: Huh? Stickle?
ROY: That's a word, isn't it?
WOODY: Not technically.
Silence.
ROY: Touche.
WOODY: Coach, how was your offseason?
ROY: Busy, Woody. Busy, but nice. We have been out on the recruiting trail lately. Before that, Wanda and I spent some time at the beach, where I learned to parasail. And of course, I've been out on the golf course.
WOODY: Yes, I can see that. Your skin is the color of a glazed ham.
ROY: Thank you.
WOODY: Parasailing? That sounds dangerous.
ROY: It's a rush, as the kids say. They strap you into that harness and you're up there 100 feet above the ground ... nothing but the sea, and the Carolina blue sky. I tell you, it's better than ... it's darn good. But be sure to put that harness on correctly. And I'd suggest that all you male listeners out there wear a cup.
WOODY: I hear that. What happened here? For those of you at home, Coach Williams is sporting a bit of a shiner. A black eye.
ROY: That was a golfing mishap, Woody. I was up at the "Celebrities For The Kids" charity golf tournament, hosted by the comedian, Carrot Top.
WOODY: He frightens me.
ROY: Oh, he's a very funny guy. Besides Gallagher, nobody is funnier. And full of energy. He's always "on," as they say. Anywho ...
WOODY: His hair is a very unnatural color. And if I'm not mistaken, he wears eyeliner.
ROY: Well, he is in show business. It's part of his shtick, as the kids say.
WOODY: The kids don't say that. I've been hanging with the players all summer, and none of them ever said "shtick."
ROY: Well, regardless, Carrot Top was in my foursome. And he's a very competitive guy. Quite the athlete actually. He does a lot of weightlifting. He's a serious, dedicated body builder. Lots of muscle mass. But he's also a volatile guy, as show people sometimes are. He kept insisting that all the kids call him "Mr. Top." I was told he suffers from what they call "road rage."
WOODY: You mean "roid rage."
ROY: No, I think it was "road rage."
WOODY: Bodybuilders who use steroids get "roid rage."
ROY: This is my story, Woody.
WOODY: Sorry. Continue.
ROY: So Carrot Top has a little one foot putt on the 16th hole for par. We all conceded the putt. I said, "That's a gimme; no way you miss that," and we all headed for the carts and the next tee. But he wanted to putt it, apparently. Next thing I know his putter hits me in the eye. He got upset and threw it. But he seemed very sorry about it, and treated Wanda and me to tickets to his show in Raleigh at the Ritz.
WOODY: Ouch. So you are paying twice for his mistake. That's quite a story. I would have thought that would make the papers. "Violent Orange Clown Bludgeons Coach," or something like that.
ROY: We all decided to keep it on the QT.
WOODY: The Quentin Thomas?
ROY: No, the QT. You know, keep it quiet, so as not to hurt Carrot Top's career.
WOODY: How could you do that? Never mind, don't answer. Let's get down to business. Coach, there is a great deal of excitement and anticipation in the Carolina Nation this year. Midnight Madness is right around the corner. The Tar Heels are loaded with highly-ranked prospects, and the team is ranked in the top 5 of many preseason polls. Expectations are sky-high.
ROY: As you know Woody, polls don't mean diddlysquat to me. With Old Roy, what you see is what you get, and Old Roy Ain't That Good. Dadgummit, it may sound corny, but the only poll I care about is the last one.
WOODY: That is some great shtick, coach.
ROY: Thanks.
WOODY: When you say "the last poll," do you mean the one that comes out after the NCAA Tournament?
ROY: Well, actually, I meant the NCAA Tournament itself.
WOODY: But that's not a poll.
ROY: Not technically, no. But you know what I meant.
WOODY: Coach, let's go to the phones. The fans really want to find out how the players are doing, your thoughts about the team, etc. Let's talk some basketball! Caller, you're on the air.
CALLER: Yeah, hi. This is Bruce from Chapel Hill. I just wanted to say that "stickle" is a word.
ROY: Ha!
WOODY: No!
CALLER: It's in the Oxford Unabridged Dictionary of the English Language. It means "One who stickles."
WOODY: Well tie me up and call me stupid. I did not know that. That is jankity..
ROY: What?
WOODY: Hanging with the players this summer, we've been working on my vocabulary. I'm learning the street slang. The slizzange, if you will.
ROY: I see.
WOODY: Next caller.
CALLER: Hi, this is Jim-Ed from Fuquay-Varina. I was wondering, Coach, how you are going to find enough playing time for all these talented players? How are you gonna keep them all happy, team chemistry wise speaking?
ROY: Dadgummit Ed-Jim, it's not up to me to keep them happy. It's up to them to keep me happy.
WOODY: You heard him, Jim-Earl. Next caller.
CALLER: Hello?
ROY: Hello.
CALLER: Am I on the air?
WOODY: You are.
CALLER: Yes, this is Carolyn, from Wake Forest, and I just want to say that Bobby Frasor is totally hot.
CLICK.
WOODY: Sorry about that. Our call screeners are a bit rusty.
ROY: No, no problem Woody. Bobby Frasor is a fine looking young man. I'm secure enough in my masculinity to say that. He is a gritty, gutty, heady, gym rat. And a good-looking one, to boot.
WOODY: On Inside Carolina, they described him as "floor-burny." That's a good word, don't you think?
ROY: Normally I would say yes, but since it came from the Crapnet, I'll say no.
WOODY: Next caller, you're on the air with Roy Williams.
CALLER: This is Susie Frecklepure, from Heartland, KS.
WOODY: Oh no ...
CALLER: And I just want to say, Coach Williams, that even though my dad and my boyfriend and all my friends and my teacher and my principal and my dog all hate your guts, I still support you and miss you. My heart is torn, between you and KU. My brother says that he hopes you develop a case of the shingles and the runs, but that's just his broken heart talking. I just wanted to let you know that you have at least one fan in Kansas.
ROY: Well, thanks very much Susie. Leave your address with the operator, and we'll send you tickets to the Carolina game of your choice.
CALLER: Why would I want that?
WOODY: This seems like a good time to let the folks know about an exciting new idea from Beefmaster: the Beefmaster "Sausage of the Month Club." Enroll someone you love in the Sausage of the Month Club, and let them enjoy a different Beefmaster pure beef or pure pork sausage product every month. Makes a great holiday gift. Nothing says "I love you" like a sausage. Beefmaster, master your beef.
ROY: Wanda and I are in the Sausage of the Month Club. We love it.
WOODY: As do I. Back to the phones, Coach.
CALLER: Hello. I just want to say how great it is to have Coach Williams as our coach. We saw him at the opening of the Harris Teeter over on Route 54, and he was just as nice as could be. And you're right! He does have a glazed ham tan!
ROY: Thanks caller.
WOODY: Roy Williams, that's my dog!
ROY: I'm your dog?
WOODY: W-W-W. W-W-W. Word.
ROY: See, now that sounds like an insult. Me being your dog.
WOODY: No, it's actually a good thing. It means you're my good friend.
ROY: Oh, I see. Sort of like when Michael Jackson said he was bad, he meant good.
WOODY: You got it, dog.
ROY: OK. Well ... then ... I suppose you are my dog too.
WOODY: Oh ... (choking back tears) ... Coach ... that is the nicest ... that is ...
ROY: da bomb?
WOODY (sobbing): Yes. Very much so. Very much da bomb.
ROY: Let's move on before I start crying.
WOODY: Hey yeah, what gives? You usually cry at the drop of a hat.
ROY: I don't know. I'm too confused to cry.
WOODY: OK. Next caller? Iz you in your crib?
CALLER: What?
WOODY: Caller, are you there?
CALLER: Yes, um ... this is Chris from Durham. Coach, what sets do you think will work best for you against Dook this year?
ROY: Chris, we have caller ID. I'm not going to answer that question.
CALLER: This is not Chris Collins. This is just a Carolina fan who is also named Chris who is visiting Chris. Collins. Who is not me.
ROY: OK, I'll answer your question if you say one thing for me. Say "Pete Gaudet was a good and loyal member of the Dook Basketball family. We miss him."
CLICK.
WOODY: Next caller, what's your question for Roy Williams?
CALLER: Yes, this is Buck from Cary.
ROY: Hi Buck.
CALLER: Coach, my kids and I are big fans of you and the Heels. But when I take the kids to the Smith Center, the kids will sometimes get impatient watching the game. I let them stand up and walk up and down the aisles. But there's this one usher there. He 's a young guy for an usher, about 40 years old, and he struts around like he owns the place. And he's always hassling my kids for being in the aisles. They don't bother anyone and their too short to obstruct anyone's view.
WOODY: So what's your question?
CALLER: Can you get that guy fired?
ROY: Well Buck, I don't think that that's really within our ...
CALLER: He looks just like Billy Donovan.
ROY: Consider it done.
WOODY: Caller, you're on the air with Coach Roy Williams.
CALLER: Coach, will you favor us with a Jewel poem?
ROY: Actually, this week I did not bring along any of the lovely Jewel's poetry ...
WOODY: No problem coach. I keep a copy of her collected works here in my breast pocket, next to my heart.
ROY: Oh, OK. Let's see ... well ... I've always been partial to her poems about her beautiful home state of Alaska. Why don't we go with one of those? ... OK ... here's one. It's called "Mister Caribou".
Mister Caribou
Migrating over the thawing tundra
Majestic antlers, molting winter coat
Your journey is long, your obstacles great
Yet you persevere
Mister Caribou
Tall and brave
I wish you were human
I wish you were my man
I can almost feel the touch of your hoof
See your flaring nostrils
Your sensitive eyes
Mister Caribou
Mister Wolf
Mister Polar bear
We are not so different, you and I
We four are like two peas in a pod
Let's get it on
WOODY: Hmmm. Food for thought.
ROY: I hope that one is OK for radio. It combines a certain cross-species eroticism that might not go down well with all audiences.
CALLER: You said "go down."
ROY: What?
WOODY: Is there no end to the artistic greatness of this lovely and humble songstress?
ROY: If there is, we haven't seen it yet.
CALLER: Did you guys hear? She's going to host Nashville Star this year.
ROY: What happened to Wynona? Arrested again?
WOODY: Apparently.
ROY: Well, looks like I'm going to be firing up the old Tivo this fall.
WOODY: The what?
ROY: The Tivo. You know, the DVR.
WOODY: Oh, right. Handy things, those DVRs.
ROY: Yes they are. The Tivo is my dog.
WOODY: W-W-W-Word. From our sponsor. The good people at Beefmaster Franks would like you to remember to enjoy Beefmaster franks in moderation. The FDA has asked us to tell you that consumption of more than 25 pounds per week of beef frankfurters can cause blindness in certain vulnerable populations. Over-consumption of anything can be bad for you, including beefmaster franks. Don't master your beef too often: you could go blind. Enjoy beefmaster franks responsibly.
Coach, that's all the time we have today. Do you have a final word for all the fans out there?
ROY: Yes, I do Woody. Come early, stay late, be loud. And if you don't, you can expect a tongue lashing from me at the next press conference.
WOODY: You heard it, folks. Come on out and enjoy another great season of Tar Heel Basketball. This is Woody Durham, saying Peace Out.
posted by David at 10:53 AM
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