Transcript, October 10, 2005
ROY WILLIAMS RADIO SHOW, OCT. 10, TRANSCRIPT:
WOODY: Welcome to the Roy Williams Radio Show, our second of the season. Brought to you once again by the good folks at Beefmaster. Beefmaster: Master your beef. And by Food Lion. At Food Lion, we do whatever it takes to give you the lowest prices around. Coach Williams, welcome.
ROY: Thanks Woody. Dadgummit, I’m ready for the season to start.
WOODY: Yes, Late Night with Roy is just around the corner. Last year you and the team put on quite a show. Any dance routines planned for this year?
ROY: Well, we have some special plans. But I’m not gonna spill the beans.
WOODY: Rumor has it that Reyshawn Terry can do back handsprings. Will that figure into the show?
ROY: He can?
WOODY: That’s what I hear.
ROY: I did not know that.
WOODY: I also hear Wes Miller can do a killer impression of you.
ROY: That I knew. And it has already cost him some playing time. No one gets to cuss except me, and no one gets to do me except me.
WOODY: That didn’t sound right. You mean, no one gets to do an impression of you except you.
ROY: Well if I’m doing it, it wouldn’t be an impression, then, would it? It’d be the real thing.
WOODY: Yeah, I guess that’s right. But you said “do me.” And the kids today use that expression differently.
ROY: Dadummit Woody, half the time I have no idea what you are talking about. Let’s take some calls.
WOODY: OK, caller are you there?
CALLER: Yeah … am I on? …
WOODY: You’re on the air with Coach Roy Williams.
CALLER: … awesome … Jayhawks rule! … Vishal, I’m in the TV! … Traitor Roy! …. (CLICK)
WOODY: Well, that was unfortunate.
ROY: Yes it was.
WOODY: Probably raised in a creationist environment.
ROY: Nobody loves Kansas basketball more than Roy Williams. I just regret that my leaving Lawrence upset so many of the good people of Kansas.
WOODY: Apparently it also upset some other Kansans as well. Next caller?
CALLER: Yes, Coach, I wonder if you could talk about the great recruiting class you have assembled from this year’s high school senior class?
ROY: The people on crapnet seem to focus a lot on recruiting. Sometimes it seems they get more excited about the youngsters who aren’t here yet than the fine youngsters we have now.
WOODY: Well Coach, it is an awfully impressive group, what with Lawson and Ellington and ….
ROY: I could give a crap about Lawson and Ellington right now! I’ve got 12 guys back there in the dorm who would give their left ... um ... their blood, sweat and tears for Carolina basketball right now! They are out there every day, busting their behinds to give these fans the team they want and deserve. How about a little appreciation for them?
CALLER: Are you asking me?
WOODY: I think it was a rhetorical question.
ROY: I’m sorry, I just get so dang-burned frustrated with the fans sometimes. I am seriously thinking of going the cheer sheet route the way Coach K does.
WOODY: Ewww.
CALLER: Coach, I was wrong to compliment you about the recruits. I wish only to be led by you.
WOODY: That’s better. How about a commercial break.
Winter is just around the corner, so there’s no time like the present to fire up the grill and enjoy a plump and juicy beefmaster frank. Whether it’s a picnic at the park, entertaining guests on the back deck, or just another lonely evening in your bleak and barren apartment, it’s always time for a beefmaster.
WOODY: Next caller, are you there?
CALLER: Coach, I wonder if you would favor us with another selection from the poetry of the lovely and buxom songstress, Jewel?
ROY: Love to.
WOODY: YEAH!
ROY: Lately I’ve asking the team to read some of her poems about overcoming adversity. They contain some life lessons for us all. Like this one, entitled “The Me-ness of Me.”
The me-ness of me is excruciating
Yet I persevere
Must my teeth be straight? NO!
Must my hair be styled the Nashville way? NO!
But that doesn’t matter because
I am me.
As you are he.
As you are we.
And we are all together.
Goo-goo-ca-choob.
WOODY: A tiny bit of plagiarism there.
ROY: What do you mean?
WOODY: Well that last bit was lifted from a Beatles song.
ROY: I don’t think so.
WOODY: Yeah, it’s from “I Am the Walrus”.
ROY: You are feisty today, Woody. But I doubt she copied that from the Beatles. Why would someone put those nonsense syllables in a song?
WOODY: You’ll have to ask John Lennon that.
ROY: All right I will.
WOODY: I didn’t mean that you should actually …
ROY: In any case, the lesson from Jewel’s poem is clear. We should all be ourselves and do the best with what we have.
WOODY: So true. She has a special kind of wisdom.
ROY: And wisdom teeth.
WOODY: She makes me feel all tingly inside.
ROY: OK, but back to my point. I know that when I was a kid I used go with my friends to the store there in Asheville. And they had one of those coolers there, for sodas and such ….
WOODY: Caller, are you there?
CALLER: Woody, this is Mike Shushefski. I just wanted to call in to congratulate Coach Williams on his team’s special performance last spring. It is a special feeling. Believe me, I know. Three times.
WOODY: Coach, you mean you haven’t congratulated Coach Williams until now?
K: Well … um … sure, I sent him a congratulatory telegram. But I wanted to say it again… you know … in the media. It’s important for the people to see us being magnanimous.
ROY: Thanks Coach.
WOODY: Coach K, while we have you here on the line, let me ask you about this year. You’ve got a talented squad. How are you planning on coaching them, from an X and O perspective I mean.
K: Well, first of all, I don’t coach. I lead. You should know that Woody. And second, I don’t really believe in Xs and Os. I believe in leading players into competition and letting them compete.
ROY: So you’ll be funneling everything through J.J. again this year?
K: Yes.
WOODY: How many touches does he get a game, Coach, 50?
ROY: At least 60.
K: How the should I know. Listen, J.J. is a great competitor and a great poet.
WOODY: I’ve seen his poetry Coach. I wouldn’t call it great.
ROY: Or good.
WOODY: It’s certainly not the caliber of a Sandburg or a Jewel.
K: I didn’t call in to have you two bumpkins critique my players’ poetry. Now if there’s nothing else, I’ll …
WOODY: We’re sorry Coach. Just funnin’ with ya a bit.
ROY: Mike, perhaps you could tell the fans out there about how your military training has affected your coaching …
K: Leadership.
ROY: …. I mean, your leadership of basketball players, coaching-wise.
K: Leadership-wise, you mean?
ROY: Yes. Leadership-wise-speaking.
K: Well, basketball is war, basically. No one dies, but other than that they are the same thing. When I recruit a youngster, I ask myself, would I want this youngster in a foxhole with me if we were going into battle?
WOODY: Don’t you actually have to leave the foxhole to go into battle?
K: OK, technically, yes. But you get the picture. If the kid is that kind of warrior, I want him playing Dook basketball.
WOODY: So do you ever physically abuse your players like Bob Knight?
K: I resent that question.
WOODY: I mean, do you employ corporal punishment as a teaching tool?
K: As a leadership tool, you mean?
WOODY: Whatever.
K: No.
WOODY: Never?
K: Never.
WOODY: C’mon coach. You said yourself it’s war. You never went a little Neil Reed on anyone?
K: What do you want me to say Woody?
WOODY: I want the truth. I think we’re entitled to it.
K: You can't handle the truth! Woody, we live in a world that has gymnasium walls. And those walls have to be guarded by men with thumbprint scanners. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Woody? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Neil Reed and you curse the Dook Blew Devils. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Reid’s choking, while tragic, probably won games. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, wins games...You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me behind that thumbprint scanner. We use words like relationships, fist, heart...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending something. You use 'em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very basketball success I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it! I'd rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a basketball and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a @#%$ what you think you're entitled to!
(Long silence.)
WOODY: OK then, um, thanks for calling in Coach Shush …
ROY: Wow.
K: Did I say all that out loud?
WOODY: …shefski of the Dook Blew Devils. That’s about all the time …
ROY: Yes you did.
WOODY: … we have for today. Join us next week when …
K: Are we on a seven-second delay or anything?
WOODY: … our special guest will be the big guy, Eric Montross …
ROY: No we are not.
WOODY: … who will tell us about his new position as a color announcer on …
K: (bleep!)
WOODY: … the Tar Heel Sports Network. Good night everybody!
WOODY: Welcome to the Roy Williams Radio Show, our second of the season. Brought to you once again by the good folks at Beefmaster. Beefmaster: Master your beef. And by Food Lion. At Food Lion, we do whatever it takes to give you the lowest prices around. Coach Williams, welcome.
ROY: Thanks Woody. Dadgummit, I’m ready for the season to start.
WOODY: Yes, Late Night with Roy is just around the corner. Last year you and the team put on quite a show. Any dance routines planned for this year?
ROY: Well, we have some special plans. But I’m not gonna spill the beans.
WOODY: Rumor has it that Reyshawn Terry can do back handsprings. Will that figure into the show?
ROY: He can?
WOODY: That’s what I hear.
ROY: I did not know that.
WOODY: I also hear Wes Miller can do a killer impression of you.
ROY: That I knew. And it has already cost him some playing time. No one gets to cuss except me, and no one gets to do me except me.
WOODY: That didn’t sound right. You mean, no one gets to do an impression of you except you.
ROY: Well if I’m doing it, it wouldn’t be an impression, then, would it? It’d be the real thing.
WOODY: Yeah, I guess that’s right. But you said “do me.” And the kids today use that expression differently.
ROY: Dadummit Woody, half the time I have no idea what you are talking about. Let’s take some calls.
WOODY: OK, caller are you there?
CALLER: Yeah … am I on? …
WOODY: You’re on the air with Coach Roy Williams.
CALLER: … awesome … Jayhawks rule! … Vishal, I’m in the TV! … Traitor Roy! …. (CLICK)
WOODY: Well, that was unfortunate.
ROY: Yes it was.
WOODY: Probably raised in a creationist environment.
ROY: Nobody loves Kansas basketball more than Roy Williams. I just regret that my leaving Lawrence upset so many of the good people of Kansas.
WOODY: Apparently it also upset some other Kansans as well. Next caller?
CALLER: Yes, Coach, I wonder if you could talk about the great recruiting class you have assembled from this year’s high school senior class?
ROY: The people on crapnet seem to focus a lot on recruiting. Sometimes it seems they get more excited about the youngsters who aren’t here yet than the fine youngsters we have now.
WOODY: Well Coach, it is an awfully impressive group, what with Lawson and Ellington and ….
ROY: I could give a crap about Lawson and Ellington right now! I’ve got 12 guys back there in the dorm who would give their left ... um ... their blood, sweat and tears for Carolina basketball right now! They are out there every day, busting their behinds to give these fans the team they want and deserve. How about a little appreciation for them?
CALLER: Are you asking me?
WOODY: I think it was a rhetorical question.
ROY: I’m sorry, I just get so dang-burned frustrated with the fans sometimes. I am seriously thinking of going the cheer sheet route the way Coach K does.
WOODY: Ewww.
CALLER: Coach, I was wrong to compliment you about the recruits. I wish only to be led by you.
WOODY: That’s better. How about a commercial break.
Winter is just around the corner, so there’s no time like the present to fire up the grill and enjoy a plump and juicy beefmaster frank. Whether it’s a picnic at the park, entertaining guests on the back deck, or just another lonely evening in your bleak and barren apartment, it’s always time for a beefmaster.
WOODY: Next caller, are you there?
CALLER: Coach, I wonder if you would favor us with another selection from the poetry of the lovely and buxom songstress, Jewel?
ROY: Love to.
WOODY: YEAH!
ROY: Lately I’ve asking the team to read some of her poems about overcoming adversity. They contain some life lessons for us all. Like this one, entitled “The Me-ness of Me.”
The me-ness of me is excruciating
Yet I persevere
Must my teeth be straight? NO!
Must my hair be styled the Nashville way? NO!
But that doesn’t matter because
I am me.
As you are he.
As you are we.
And we are all together.
Goo-goo-ca-choob.
WOODY: A tiny bit of plagiarism there.
ROY: What do you mean?
WOODY: Well that last bit was lifted from a Beatles song.
ROY: I don’t think so.
WOODY: Yeah, it’s from “I Am the Walrus”.
ROY: You are feisty today, Woody. But I doubt she copied that from the Beatles. Why would someone put those nonsense syllables in a song?
WOODY: You’ll have to ask John Lennon that.
ROY: All right I will.
WOODY: I didn’t mean that you should actually …
ROY: In any case, the lesson from Jewel’s poem is clear. We should all be ourselves and do the best with what we have.
WOODY: So true. She has a special kind of wisdom.
ROY: And wisdom teeth.
WOODY: She makes me feel all tingly inside.
ROY: OK, but back to my point. I know that when I was a kid I used go with my friends to the store there in Asheville. And they had one of those coolers there, for sodas and such ….
WOODY: Caller, are you there?
CALLER: Woody, this is Mike Shushefski. I just wanted to call in to congratulate Coach Williams on his team’s special performance last spring. It is a special feeling. Believe me, I know. Three times.
WOODY: Coach, you mean you haven’t congratulated Coach Williams until now?
K: Well … um … sure, I sent him a congratulatory telegram. But I wanted to say it again… you know … in the media. It’s important for the people to see us being magnanimous.
ROY: Thanks Coach.
WOODY: Coach K, while we have you here on the line, let me ask you about this year. You’ve got a talented squad. How are you planning on coaching them, from an X and O perspective I mean.
K: Well, first of all, I don’t coach. I lead. You should know that Woody. And second, I don’t really believe in Xs and Os. I believe in leading players into competition and letting them compete.
ROY: So you’ll be funneling everything through J.J. again this year?
K: Yes.
WOODY: How many touches does he get a game, Coach, 50?
ROY: At least 60.
K: How the
WOODY: I’ve seen his poetry Coach. I wouldn’t call it great.
ROY: Or good.
WOODY: It’s certainly not the caliber of a Sandburg or a Jewel.
K: I didn’t call in to have you two bumpkins critique my players’ poetry. Now if there’s nothing else, I’ll …
WOODY: We’re sorry Coach. Just funnin’ with ya a bit.
ROY: Mike, perhaps you could tell the fans out there about how your military training has affected your coaching …
K: Leadership.
ROY: …. I mean, your leadership of basketball players, coaching-wise.
K: Leadership-wise, you mean?
ROY: Yes. Leadership-wise-speaking.
K: Well, basketball is war, basically. No one dies, but other than that they are the same thing. When I recruit a youngster, I ask myself, would I want this youngster in a foxhole with me if we were going into battle?
WOODY: Don’t you actually have to leave the foxhole to go into battle?
K: OK, technically, yes. But you get the picture. If the kid is that kind of warrior, I want him playing Dook basketball.
WOODY: So do you ever physically abuse your players like Bob Knight?
K: I resent that question.
WOODY: I mean, do you employ corporal punishment as a teaching tool?
K: As a leadership tool, you mean?
WOODY: Whatever.
K: No.
WOODY: Never?
K: Never.
WOODY: C’mon coach. You said yourself it’s war. You never went a little Neil Reed on anyone?
K: What do you want me to say Woody?
WOODY: I want the truth. I think we’re entitled to it.
K: You can't handle the truth! Woody, we live in a world that has gymnasium walls. And those walls have to be guarded by men with thumbprint scanners. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Woody? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Neil Reed and you curse the Dook Blew Devils. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Reid’s choking, while tragic, probably won games. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, wins games...You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me behind that thumbprint scanner. We use words like relationships, fist, heart...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending something. You use 'em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very basketball success I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it! I'd rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a basketball and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a @#%$ what you think you're entitled to!
(Long silence.)
WOODY: OK then, um, thanks for calling in Coach Shush …
ROY: Wow.
K: Did I say all that out loud?
WOODY: …shefski of the Dook Blew Devils. That’s about all the time …
ROY: Yes you did.
WOODY: … we have for today. Join us next week when …
K: Are we on a seven-second delay or anything?
WOODY: … our special guest will be the big guy, Eric Montross …
ROY: No we are not.
WOODY: … who will tell us about his new position as a color announcer on …
K: (bleep!)
WOODY: … the Tar Heel Sports Network. Good night everybody!
posted by David at 8:37 AM
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