TRANSCRIPT EXCERPT – Roy Williams radio show, February 20, 2005.
Woody Durham & Roy Williams
WOODY: Caller are you there?
CALLER: Coach could you say a few words about what Jankie has meant to this team?
WOODY: The caller is referring to Jackie Manual.
ROY: I know that.
WOODY: I was just clarifying for our listeners.
ROY: OK. Since the day I got here Jackie has done everything we have asked of him, without complaint or exception. It may sound corny, but Jackie is the finest human being it has ever been my privilege to know. ... OK ... I knew this would happen ... I'm getting a emotional ... but I don't care. With Roy Williams what you see is what you get. I know that may sound corny. ... But anyway, Jackie -- or as you fans call him, Jankie -- has been simply our best defender, one of our best shot blockers, a great rebounder, a tireless worker, a motivator, a scientist, an inventor, a translator, a surgeon, and a friend. It may sound corny, but I love Jackie. Nobody loves Jackie more than me. Nobody. I will miss him terribly. I know that may sound corny.
WOODY: Well said coach. Next caller, are you there?
CALLER: Yes, this is Jackie Manual's mother. I think I love Jackie more than you do coach.
ROY: Well, now, it may sound corny but I just don't think that's true. Gosh darn it, I love Jackie as if he were my own son.
CALLER: But he is my own son.
ROY: Well it may sound corny but ...
CALLER: Will you please stop saying that.
ROY: ... sometimes when I'm talking to my son Scott I will accidentally call him "Jackie."
CALLER: Roy, my attorney says to tell you that I am faxing you a restraining order.
Pause.
CALLER: I know that may sound corny ...
ROY: Touche.
WOODY: Next caller. You’re on the air.
CALLER: Coach, my cousin Cletus and I are from Asheville too. Woo-hoo! We wuz wondering what your favorite sports bar in Asheville is. We love Shooters on State Street, but some people like Players on Main Street because they have more screens. But Shooters has pool tables and sometimes the bartender will steal Carolina games off the satellite when he's not supposed to, which totally rocks. That's why we go there. But Cletus is telling me ... wait a minute ... Cletus is telling me ... to tell you that one time he went there and they wouldn't put the Carolina game on. So he said that they should because you are from Asheville. So the bartender says he doesn't know who you are. So we have to go around to everybody at the bar and get them to talk to the bartender to let him know ...[CLICK]
WOODY: OK, next caller. Caller are you there?
CALLER: Coach, who will start in Rashad's place?
ROY: It may sound corny but Melvin will.
CALLER: That doesn't sound corny to me.
ROY: Well it may.
CALLER: But it doesn't.
ROY: I could give a s*** corniness right now. I've got a player back in the dorm who is puking up his spagetti-o's and you're asking me about corn?
WOODY: Next caller, are you there?
CALLER: Coach, what did you think of the trash talking and rough play from Hodge and Evtimov.
ROY: I was proud of our kids. It's not easy to keep your cool when people try to provoke you like that. But our kids played like professionals ... OK ... I'm gonna cry again ... I know it sounds ...
CALLER and WOODY (in unison): CORNY!
ROY: ... yes, corny, but I am just so gosh darn proud of those kids back in that locker room. That Entemanns ... what his name again?
REPORTER: Evtimov.
ROY: Yes, Emitov. When he started shoving Marvin around I had two thoughts. First, what the heck kind of name is Epitov? Is that Russian or what? And second, what is this Russian doing hacking our guy like that? I was about to blow my lid until I saw the look on the kid's face when Jawad came up behind him. I don't know if you noticed, but Molotov actually peed his pants at that point. He should have been arrested for public urination.
CALLER: Coach, it's Evtimov. And his brother used to play for Carolina.
ROY: I could give a s*** about Russia right now. I've got 12 kids back there in that locker room who have just made me as proud as a pig on Easter Sunday. And I'm not about to get into world diplomacy with you guys here now. Go discuss that on crapnet for all I care.
CALLER: I just meant that Evtimov has a connection to Carolina.
ROY: That's right. He does. We pound his team with regularity. That's his connection.
WOODY: Next caller, you’re on the air.
CALLER: Coach, it's been reported that you had threads locked and posters banned on Inside Carolina. Is that true?
ROY: Dadgummit, it may sound corny, but I could give a s*** about crapnet right now. I have 12 players back in that locker room who are crying tears of joy right now because they just made Sergei Epilogue wet his pants. I do not care about these crapnet people one single bit.
CALLER: You didn't really answer the question.
ROY: H*** yes I banned them!! And I'd do it again!!! I hope they burn hell!!!!
WOODY: Let’s hear from our good friends at Beefmaster Franks. Nothing satisfies like a beefmaster!
[AFTER COMMERCIAL]
WOODY: We’re back. Go ahead caller.
CALLER: Coach, this is John Tudor of the Raleigh News & Disturber. Could you say a little bit about Rashad's attitude?
ROY: Is that a question? Is that what passes for a question these days? Nobody loves the press more than Roy Williams, but that sure doesn't sound like a question to me. It sounds like you're just trying to create a little controversy, sell a few papers. We had a saying about that back in Asheville when I was a kid. I don't remember what it was, but we had one. And that saying applies here. Listen, nobody loves controversy more than Roy Williams. But dadgummit, the fact is that Rashad McCants has been the consummate team player this year. Look, I'm not complicated. I may be corny as all get out. But I know two things. First, Rashad is playing Carolina basketball this year. And second, my suit costs about four times as much as yours.
CALLER: Then can you tell us, what is the status of Damion Grant's knee?
ROY: It's fine, why do you ask?
CALLER: Because he's been in street clothes.
ROY: He has?
CALLER: Yes.
ROY: Listen. Nobody loves Daman more than Roy Williams. But I could give a s*** about what Daman Gaant wears right now. I've got 11 other players back there in that locker room who are not wearing street clothes. Not that they are walking around naked or anything. In fact, what the players wear is their own business. Now that I think about it, your question was inappropriate. You should write for crapnet.
CALLER: This is Chris from Treyburn.
WOODY: Go ahead Chris.
CALLER: Coach, do you really think that Carolina can overcome the inspired emotion of a K-coached team? I mean, you have no answer for the brilliance of his leadership.
ROY: OK, I can tell who this is, so let me answer a question with a question. What happened to the giant yellow suit you used to wear, Chris? Now you guys on the Dook bench over there look like the green room at auditions for Men In Black IV. But seriously, Coach K is a very successful coach, whose suits match his hair coloring gel. I will not be baited into an on-the-air p*ssing contest with the greatest chest-thumping practice shooter of all time.
WOODY: Next caller. Caller, are you there?
CALLER: Yeah this is Jim-Ed from Statesboro. Coach, I am right worried about somethin' and I am not sure if I can say it on the radio. But here goes. Did you see J.J. Redick dry-(bleep) that guy on the ground in the Tech game? I mean, what if he tries to do that to one of our guys? I'm afraid that if he tries to do that do someone like David Noel that David might actually kill him and get arrested and be unavailable for the tournament. What can be done to prevent this dry-(bleep)ing tactic?
WOODY: Good thing we've got a five second delay. That guy said "hump" which we had to bleep out.
ROY: Jim-Ed, we are gonna talk to the referees about that. It may sound corny, but we don't think that there is any place for dry-(bleep)ing in basketball. Honestly, I could give s*** about J.J. Redick right now. I've got a young man back in the dorm, Rashad McCants, who just coughed up a lung. Yet he wants to play, and we're gonna let him play. Because that's the kind of fighter he is. He wants to play on one lung. ... OK ... I'm getting misty again ... I know that sounds corny ... But when I think about the site of Rashad and his lung just laying there on the floor it makes me so proud ... next caller ... I can't go on.
WOODY: Why don't we take another commercial break coach, while you regain your beefmaster ... I mean, composure.
[AFTER COMMERCIAL]
WOODY: OK, we’re back. Caller, you’re on the air.
CALLER: Coach, why do you call it crapnet?
ROY: Good question. Nobody loves the internet more than Roy Williams. It may sound corny, but I booked my vacation on expedia.com. So it's not that I hate the internet. But I do hate the basketball message boards with their anonymous insiders and experts who think they know something about our team, our players, and me. I could give a s*** about those people. So that's why I call it crapnet.
CALLER: I meant, why 'crapnet' instead of some other bad name?
ROY: Well I considered 'crudnet' or 'poo-poo-net'. But those words seemed not as classy as 'crapnet'. I also considered 'dadgum-net,' 'frickin-net,' 'gol-dern-net,' and 'big-dumb-stupid-net.' But 'crapnet' had a ring to it.
CALLER: Thanks Coach. By the way, what's your handle on IC?
ROY: kik84
WOODY: Next caller.
CALLER: This is Packfan from Fuqua-Varina
ROY: Uh-oh
WOODY: What do you want Packfan?
CALLER: I thought it was awesome when Jules untied Marvin Williams' shoe. I laughed so hard milk came out my nose, dude.
WOODY: Did you get any on the cow?
ROY: Let me say a word about that Woody. I didn't see that when it happened, but I heard about it. That is not a harmless prank. It may sound corny, but someone could have gotten hurt. I hope Herb Sendek speaks to that young man Hodge ...
CALLER: Hodge is 28.
ROY: ... about that because there is no place for those kinds of monkeyshines in basketball. Anyway, I could give a s*** about Julius Hodge right now.
WOODY: The FCC called and said if you say that one more time, the Tarheel Sports Network will go off the air. In which case I will personally owe the good people at Beefmaster over $400,000.
ROY: Sorry Woody. I'll try to watch myself, but nobody cares more about this team or this university or beefmaster franks than Roy Williams. I was practically raised on beefmasters. So don't talk to Roy Williams about beefmaster franks.
WOODY: Next call. You’re on the air.
CALLER: Coach, do any of our players write poetry like J.J. Redick?
ROY: Not that I know of, though Jackie sometimes will speak only in iambic pentameter for a day, just as a sort of mental exercise.
CALLER: Nobody else?
ROY: No. We all enjoy the poems of the lovely songstress Jewel, however.
WOODY: She's hot.
Silence.
WOODY: Did I say that out loud?
ROY: Her poetry touches a place deep inside us all. A place that is not so much in the heart as the gut.
WOODY: Or slightly south of there.
Silence.
WOODY: Did I say that out loud?
ROY: Just the other day we asked Melvin to recite a Jewel poem, right before the Connecticut game. It went,
I question myself
Can I do it?
Am I strong enough?
Are my teeth straight enough?
Will people think I've had plastic surgery
Even if I don't comb my hair?
But it doesn't matter
Because I am true to me
You see
the bee
must sting you
before it dies
CALLER: What does that mean?
ROY: It means that we must all look inside ourselves for the leader within. I found the poem quite touching. It may sound corny, but I cried.
CALLER: Did anyone else cry?
ROY: Just me and Jerod Haase.
CALLER: Who's that?
WOODY: Time for a word from our good friends at Beefmaster Franks.
[AFTER COMMERCIAL]
ROY: Woody, let me say something. That last caller really gripes my chaps. Just because an assistant coach didn't play at Carolina doesn't mean we shouldn't support him.
WOODY: Absolutely right coach. And the fans out there should know that Jerod is also the author of a book about his playing days, called "Rug Burns," I believe.
ROY: "Floor Burns," I think it is.
WOODY: Right. "Floor Burns." Now that's not one of those tell-all sports books, is it?
ROY: I'm not sure. I haven't read it. But I'll tell you this. Jerod Haase works hard for Carolina, and sets a great example for these young players. Jerod Haase loves Kansas basketball.
WOODY: You mean "Carolina" basketball.
ROY: What did I say?
WOODY: You said "Kansas" basketball.
ROY: No I didn't.
WOODY: Yes, I think you did.
ROY: Well, whatever I said, it just chaps my cookies to think that Carolina fans don't appreciate our assistant coaches. You know, when I was a half-time assistant, I used to make a little extra money by selling lemonade out in front of Woolen Gym on weekends. Jerod Haase is the kind of scrappy gym rat who would sell lemonade, I promise you that.
WOODY: I'm glad you said that Coach. Our fans need to support our assistant coaches. Not just Jerod Haase, but Fred Holiday and Stan Robinson and D.B. McGrath. Show the assistants some love, people!
ROY: Amen to that.
WOODY: Next caller. You’re on the air.
CALLER: Coach, this is Bobby Frasor and Tyler Hansborough. We've got you on speaker phone here. We just wanted to call in to say how much we can't wait to be Heels.
ROY: Bobby, Tyler, we can't wait for you to be Heels either.
WOODY: Bobby and Tyler, do you have any stories about Coach Williams' recruitment of you?
FRASOR: Well, I just remember that when he came to my house, his eyes were wild, like hyena. And this blood vessel on his head seemed to sort of pulsate. And he was really sweating hard ...
WOODY: No, I mean Coach Roy Williams.
FRASOR: Oh. Oh yeah, he was great. We had a wonderful visit. My folks just loved him. I remember when I called him to tell him I was coming to Carolina, he was so excited that he dropped the phone and did a little dance.
HANSBOROUGH: Hey! He did the same thing when I called him! Coach, you told me that was the first time you had done that.
ROY: Which one of you committed to us first?
HANSBOROUGH: Me.
ROY: Well then it was the first time I did it.
WOODY: Good luck with your senior seasons fellas. Next caller!
CALLER: Coach, as a mentor and advisor to young African Americans, you must have an understanding of black culture. Who are your favorite hip hop artists?
WOODY: Ooooo.
ROY: Well. Hmmm.
CALLER: You do know what hip hop is, right?
ROY: Oh, yes, yes, yes. Of course. I'm down with that. Let me see ... well ... I like Usher ...
WOODY: Ooooo.
ROY: ... and, um ... Lil Kim ... and that guy who did Funky Cold Medina. I love that song. Sometimes Wanda and I will crank that up on our stereo and dance around the living room to it.
CALLER: Anybody else?
WOODY: Ice-T. He's on Law and Order.
ROY: Sure. Yeah, him. ... and ... um ... help me out here Woody.
WOODY: Freezy-T. And Icey-G. And Bizzy-B, Itchy-Knee, Ima Ho.
ROY: Yeah. They're good.
WOODY: I'm playin' you, G.
ROY: What?
WOODY: I made those up.
ROY: Well, good one Woody. You got me. ... To tell the truth, I'm more into Faith Hill.
WOODY: I hear dat.
ROY: What is wrong with you today?
WOODY: I don't know. I honestly don't know.
